Now that we’re all officially facing hard times, even the most committed anti-consumer finds herself wondering how she’s going to keep her children in life’s essentials: mobile game machines and size 12 football boots. Pity the ex-government advisers and council chiefs, who have an extra £250,000 a year to find – it’s the first time I’ve felt lucky to be poor already.
As it’s obviously unacceptable to clutter up the world by producing actual things for sale, here are a few ways you can monetise those aspects of your life which you may naively have assumed to have no cash value at all.
People with domestic power generation are probably already 
to the grid – who cares if 
, and the Germans have stopped doing it? Obviously, they’ve missed the point. The point is its showsumer value – the neighbours think we care.
But if you don’t fancy renting out your roof to a dubious investment, how about 
to store a stranger’s crap? Then again, if your attic is habitable, you can 
and not pay any tax. If that feels a bit too intimate, how about letting them camp in your 
True, the garden’s desirability value will heavily depend on where you live, but nothing could beat the joy of watching a city gent emerge fully dressed from a Black’s Voyager every morning.
Those of you with a front drive but no back garden (or car), or whose partner conveniently removes the car early every morning, might contemplate 
out to a desperate commuter. This does imply that your drive is somewhere people might need to be, as opposed to the scenic depths of the countryside, but for those of us condemned to the hell of urban life, it’s good to find an upside.
Meanwhile, the car that’s conveniently gone for the day can be earning its keep as 
You 
might not want to go for this option if you use it for important meetings. Then again, if you’re that sort of person, I’m very surprised to see you here. (Welcome anyhow, we’re a broad church – at least while the sun’s shining). And if you happen to live in France, you can use it to 
next time you go on a trip.
Okay, so you don’t have a car – well done. You still have a body, right? As we learned last time, it’s all about Me these days. Well, here’s your chance to prove it. You can 
for a tee shirt, your forehead for a cap, your bike – probably your child, too. (I’m feeling smug here – my children are enormous, which has to mean more acreage, and more profits).
Here’s what they say on the site: ” ´Everyday models´ can also become living brand space, by wearing brand t-shirts, caps or jackets in designated public places, for specific periods of time.” It’s that line about “designated public spaces” that worries me. I wouldn’t like to be caught skulking at Oxford Circus with ‘Designer Perfumes at Rock Bottom Prices’ on my bosom.
Still, you can avoid the embarrassing garments by just renting out the space on your 
I think this one might just be a gimmick… but I’m afraid 
isn’t. So next time you’re about to abandon yourself to wild sex with your lover, and he says, ‘Hang on a minute, I’ve just got to check my aspect ratio’ – watch out.
If your body isn’t good enough for porn, but is good enough to take an unapproved drug, you can bunk off for a 
They pay pretty well, though I’d beware of any offering more than a life insurance payout, myself. The risk-averse can just sell their blood – times are hard, why give it away? And to somebody who may not even survive to thank you? Only a fool would do that.
On the other hand, maybe the inside of your head is more attractive than the outside. Don’t despair – 
over the phone. C’mon, everybody knows all therapists just make it up. You’ve solved your best mate’s life crises – how hard can it be to do it for some random stranger?
While you’re talking, boost your earnings by slipping in a reference to a 
and earn even more.
But if you genuinely have nothing to say, as usual the answer is 
– the ad revenues might not pay the mortgage, but they’re pretty much bound to be worth more than your tweets.
